My whole life, 38 years and counting, it has been easy to see the message that can wreak havoc in my life... when I let it.

Oftentimes, it will come in various shapes and sizes and colors, but all in all it is always telling me the same thing, "You are not good enough."

As a child, among family:

"You are not good enough to love and keep and accept into our family." I translated their message when I was seven years old, as fourth family gave me back to the social worker to find a different home for me. When I was seventeen, I heard the message again as my adopted family put me back into the system! And on and on and on I have heard that message... never have I found a family to date that will call me their own (and treat me as if I were). I am an outcast, an outsider, on my own.

When I turned seventeen, and I found my birthmother and learned that my conception was a result of her being raped, it was another huge confirmation to my belief, at that moment, that I was never wante...