The Slap That Rocked the Oscars

My response about The Man Who Showed Men What It Means To Protect The Ones You Love.

I have written five letters, and my commentary, below:

Jada,

You should feel like the most protected, valued, treasured, and honored woman at this moment.

You are not defined by your beauty, but your beauty does define you as you radiate from your entire being. Your eyes and smile sparkle and give us a glimpse into your soul as you give pieces of yourself away to the projects and missions you are accomplishing.

Thank you for the work you have done, and are doing, for the daughters, women, and communities of people we all touch.

♥

Will,

Thank you for standing up! Thank you for not letting that moment get lost, that moment when your natural tendency to laugh hit your heart and you realized something wasn’t right. You had seconds to react or respond, and I believe you chose the braver route – to respond.

It wasn’t the time or place perhaps, others may say, but you chose it to be important enough to stand up and say, “That is not okay.”

Mocking people for things they cannot control, no matter how unintentional it may have been, is not okay. It was a defining moment that I hope we can learn from as a society that currently goes with the right to say whatever you want, be whatever you want, have whatever you want, do whatever you want – at the expense of those around us.

Thank you for your intentionality in that moment; for making it a moment that will hopefully inspire other men to step up and protect the women they love too.

♥

Men,

Where were you when I needed protected?

When your daughter was raped and pregnant with me at sixteen and you allowed me to go back and forth in a broken foster care system.

When you took me in at age three, and adopted me into your family, and then chose to pass me forward, back in the system, because you chose your bloodline family over your responsibility to care for me and the others you adopted.

When you awoken my sexuality at age six when you were not only a civil protector of many, but you should have been protecting me as my foster dad.

When you took out your anger and frustration on me by beating me until I was black and blue rather than instructing me in the ways of a father. You chose me, remember? You adopted me, remember?

When I was tormented by my seventh-grade classmate who would have the whole class of boys making fun of my nose or the size of my ankle bones. When he sent me out of the class sobbing in the bathroom alone because he shouted, “Well, at least my mom didn’t abandon me” after I most likely tried to defend myself.

When you handed me a gun and told me to kill myself, in your living room, after you discovered my suicidal notes and I confessed through tears and begging that I needed help.

When, years later, you walked into the hospital ER, pulled the curtain back, and told me to “Stop wasting your time” after an ambulance had been called because I had finally decided to die.

When you cheated on mom, snuck around our backs, and lied to her when I caught you. Instead of taking responsibility, you convinced her I was the problem, and you both discarded the ten years of trust you had built that you were my forever home, and you put me back into the foster care system with no one holding you accountable for anything.

When you welcomed me into your home and invited me to be a part of your family just because I was your daughter’s best friend in college; but then you allowed your family to turn their backs to me when I needed you, because once again – I wasn’t a part of your bloodline “real” family.

When I confided in your wife and asked her to tell you, so you could tell your son that it was not okay to rape his wife. But you stayed silent. You didn’t help. He continued.

When I went to you for help, because you were our marriage counselor, and my husband refused to come to our appointment, but I still came, after a huge fight that left me desperate for your intervention, but you turned me away because I had come alone, and I was a female and you were a male and it wouldn’t look proper.

When I came to you after being shocked to discover the pornography and affair inviting behaviors, sat at that table and opened up about private vulnerable things, trusting the process of the “elders in the church” and hopeful that my transparency would help save our family, and you did nothing but make a phone call to him and conclude that you couldn’t help because he wasn’t willing to admit there was a problem.

When you, as a responsible elder, let my children and I stay at your guest house, but didn’t guide me in the crisis of knowing what to do. I wanted so bad to come to you for advice. Instead you watched the basketball games on tv while you went on with your normal everyday life, and when he came back and convinced me he was going to change and be different, you didn’t intervene or ask questions. You just let us go right back into the situation with a man who loved himself more than his wife and children.

When I came into your church, desperate, poor, and needy, but mostly broken down from the verbal and sexual abuse of my husband, and I begged for intervention, and you did nothing but make a phone call and conclude that you couldn’t help if he wasn’t willing to get help. You didn’t protect me or our children.

When I came to you as our pastor, broken from the tormenting evil of his “leadership”, and you made me endure for four weeks while you wouldn’t let me even tell you about it. And, then when I did, hopeful I would finally have your help, you scolded him and never even cared to call, come by, or check on me and the kids to make sure you were holding him accountable. He continued.

When I told you I was leaving him, and I needed your help taking care of him. You said you would, and I was finally hopeful to be freed from it all. But you didn’t, and so I stepped back in, because he needed help.

When you see my children are without a healthy functioning father, and you know you are one for yours, but you don’t reach out, you don’t call and invite my children to be a part of your lives. You just let them grow up without one, knowing the statistics are not in their favor.

Where are you when so many girls and women need you to protect us, and protect our children?

Stand up!

Walk Forward!

Say Stop or Help!

♥

Father God, My Sweet Jesus, Holy Spirit,

Thank you for protecting me!

Thank you for coming to my rescue when I call on you!

Thank you for moving people in and out of my life, for my benefit.

Thank you for the many ways you have tendered to my broken heart to let me know that you see me, you are near me, and you are fighting for me.

Thank you for strengthening me when I feel I cannot take another moment of this painful world full of abandonment, rejection, and lies.

Thank you that despite all the reasons I have to hate, I still love so greatly and deeply, because your LOVE has given me so many reasons to love.

Help these men.

Help our men!

Help them see you, know you, feel you, and be like you.

Thank you for showing me today:

Violence is unprovoked wrath. Judgement is warranted wrath.

Help them protect us with their judgements that are steeped from their time spent with you.

I love you.

♥

My Commentary:

I saw one celebrity, when asked what she thought about what happened, say that she doesn't "condone violence".

While this seems a proper thing to say, I took it to my Father and you can see the insight He gave me above. It felt like as soon as He told me the difference between "violence" and "judgement", He flooded me with the inspiration to make time to write all of these things out (above).

Perhaps it was therapeutic for me. Perhaps it will be therapeutic for someone who reads this.

I have forgiven these men who abandoned and hurt me in deep painful ways, but that forgiveness does not mean I have not been changed by their behaviors.

I hope by sharing some of these past wounds, I am able to allow God to now use them for the healing for other hearts currently in the battle for their soul to triumph over their pain. 

Should Will have smacked Chris Rock? Probably not as his first response. I do agree with the "non-violent" communication as an initial technique when given the appropriate environment (time, level of danger, etc).

He could have made the same statement by walking up to Chris, whispering in his ear to apologize to Jada right then and there, and stood there and waited until he did.

But if he didn't, then what? How will a man ever intimidate another man to act if he never is able to use the strength and force in which he has to enforce what he has said?

There has to be a point where we accept that sometimes, there may need to be a spank (for our children) or a slap (for an adult out of line) to get someone's attention or to make a point. (Usually, if not always, when executed appropriately - the motive of the person administering the force - is not from a place of joy or evil, but rather resolute towards a noble end goal.)

Maybe a slap as the first line of action was not the best choice, but it was a swift and quick response that was effective.

Will Smith could have probably knocked Chris to the floor if he wanted to be "violent".

That did not seem his intention. I think his instinct and response was because he wanted to "protect" Jada, execute "judgement/discipline" for what had just occurred, and maybe.... he had time to realize he was going to bring awareness to alopecia and make a statement about comedy poking fun of people inappropriately. 

I have not seen the movie he was referring to, but it seems like what he dwelled on in playing that role, is what he actually became - a man who protects his family.

What we think about is what we become.

Well done, Will Smith. 

Chris,

Your poise and humility afterwards (from the small clip I saw) was also outstanding and remarkable. Real men can have the courage to know when they have overstepped and accept the consequences when they do.

♥

Photo Credit: Chris Pizzello/Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP

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